I've been completely off any sort of diet or weight plan for a little over 5 months now and it shows. Anything I had lost, I've gained back. I've got to get a handle on this and get off this path. I need to do it for my health and I need to do it for my self-esteem. I feel like such a complete loser compared to my friends and I'm surprised they are embarrassed to be around me.
So, today I start fresh, anew.
The past few months have been hard, emotionally and I will blog about that stuff in the coming days/weeks. Today is just a short post to declare myself back in the "game."
My first goal is to lost 10% of my current weight by the end of October. Let's see if I can do it....
Showing posts with label weight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight. Show all posts
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Down the rabbit hole
Down the rabbit hole... that's about how I feel that the last month has been for me.
I haven't p
osted since July 27th.... almost a whole month.
During that time I have been busy, busy, BUSY! And I hate to admit it but I will... I got really lazy with the weight loss plans and I have been on and off plan since July 30th with most of it spent OFF.
We had a few weekends in a row of having a garage sale and although I started out with the attitude that I was not going to let that derail my staying on plan, it was quickly abandoned partway through the first day. It was so hot, so chaotic and I was so exhausted that I just gave in to the "run through a drive-thru" or "order pizza" temptations. I knew I was burning a lot more calories than usual with all the activity surrounding the garage sale... lots of digging through boxes, lifting and carrying boxes and tons of moving around and not much sitting around. Plus, lots of sweating! But I suppose all the extra calorie-burning wasn't doing much good since at meal time I was eating high-calorie and high-sodium JUNK!
Oh well. But I promised I would be honest here and to myself and that's what happened.
Then right after our second garage sale was done, I came down with a MASSIVE attack of my Crohn's disease. Had a major blockage in fact that was extremely painful. The blockage cleared after the first day but then my system was just sort of "in shock" and I had to be very careful what I ate. I stayed off plan on purpose and kept to a very limited diet of pasta, cheese, chips (corn based, not wheat), ham, etc. No veggies, fruits (except bananas), whole grains or hard-to-digest meats. I spent a lot of time resting on the couch and took a lot of painkillers.
I let my TSFL Health Coach know what had happened and how I was dealing with it so I did feel accountable to someone. :) She was off enjoying a week of camping with her family but she still kept tabs on me.
It took me several weeks to get over the big CD attack and even now, 3 weeks later, I still get a little sore.
We also had several events planned where I did not want to be on plan... good friends and good food. But I knew I had to re-draw that proverbial line in the sand and get back on plan at some point. So today is that day. Today I am back on plan and will stay so until Friday. We have planned that day to go to the State Fair so I will enjoy that day and then get right back on plan the next day.
After that, I should be able to stay on plan for about the next 3 weeks until our next planned festival day which is the local big Oktoberfest. We actually attend that every year with our good friends who are also my TSFL health coaches so all of us will be straying off plan that day! :) This year some other friends and family will also attend.
My Crohn's attack was not a complete surprise although it was much worse than I had expected it to. In July I experienced a very stressful couple of weeks when one of my family members verbally and emotionally attacked me unprovoked and completely out of nowhere. He also physically threatened my husband and made me very fearful to be home alone. He is a drug addict and (recent) ex-convict who is now obviously showing some mental instability as well.
I had several weeks of experiencing a lot of extreme stress, fear and trouble sleeping. My Crohn's does react to stress that I experience but it is always a delayed reaction so I knew some sort of attack would come.
I weighed myself today and I am up 3.2lbs since my last weigh-in on 7/27. I was pleasantly surprised it was not more. I was expecting a higher number. I have not used my treadmill since 7/19 which is just plain embarrassing. So I've got to get back into the swing of that! We are also possibly buying a used BowFlex system from a good friend so that will be good.
So that's my check-in for today. I plan to continue on with the book I was working through as it is very good and a great daily motivator for me. One obstacle I will have in the next 2 months though is that this time of year I am pretty busy with work deadlines on top of all the personal life stuff. And work deadlines have to take priority over me keeping up with my daily reading and especially, blogging about it.
I haven't p
osted since July 27th.... almost a whole month.During that time I have been busy, busy, BUSY! And I hate to admit it but I will... I got really lazy with the weight loss plans and I have been on and off plan since July 30th with most of it spent OFF.
We had a few weekends in a row of having a garage sale and although I started out with the attitude that I was not going to let that derail my staying on plan, it was quickly abandoned partway through the first day. It was so hot, so chaotic and I was so exhausted that I just gave in to the "run through a drive-thru" or "order pizza" temptations. I knew I was burning a lot more calories than usual with all the activity surrounding the garage sale... lots of digging through boxes, lifting and carrying boxes and tons of moving around and not much sitting around. Plus, lots of sweating! But I suppose all the extra calorie-burning wasn't doing much good since at meal time I was eating high-calorie and high-sodium JUNK!
Oh well. But I promised I would be honest here and to myself and that's what happened.
Then right after our second garage sale was done, I came down with a MASSIVE attack of my Crohn's disease. Had a major blockage in fact that was extremely painful. The blockage cleared after the first day but then my system was just sort of "in shock" and I had to be very careful what I ate. I stayed off plan on purpose and kept to a very limited diet of pasta, cheese, chips (corn based, not wheat), ham, etc. No veggies, fruits (except bananas), whole grains or hard-to-digest meats. I spent a lot of time resting on the couch and took a lot of painkillers.
I let my TSFL Health Coach know what had happened and how I was dealing with it so I did feel accountable to someone. :) She was off enjoying a week of camping with her family but she still kept tabs on me.
It took me several weeks to get over the big CD attack and even now, 3 weeks later, I still get a little sore.
We also had several events planned where I did not want to be on plan... good friends and good food. But I knew I had to re-draw that proverbial line in the sand and get back on plan at some point. So today is that day. Today I am back on plan and will stay so until Friday. We have planned that day to go to the State Fair so I will enjoy that day and then get right back on plan the next day.
After that, I should be able to stay on plan for about the next 3 weeks until our next planned festival day which is the local big Oktoberfest. We actually attend that every year with our good friends who are also my TSFL health coaches so all of us will be straying off plan that day! :) This year some other friends and family will also attend.
My Crohn's attack was not a complete surprise although it was much worse than I had expected it to. In July I experienced a very stressful couple of weeks when one of my family members verbally and emotionally attacked me unprovoked and completely out of nowhere. He also physically threatened my husband and made me very fearful to be home alone. He is a drug addict and (recent) ex-convict who is now obviously showing some mental instability as well.
I had several weeks of experiencing a lot of extreme stress, fear and trouble sleeping. My Crohn's does react to stress that I experience but it is always a delayed reaction so I knew some sort of attack would come.
I weighed myself today and I am up 3.2lbs since my last weigh-in on 7/27. I was pleasantly surprised it was not more. I was expecting a higher number. I have not used my treadmill since 7/19 which is just plain embarrassing. So I've got to get back into the swing of that! We are also possibly buying a used BowFlex system from a good friend so that will be good.
So that's my check-in for today. I plan to continue on with the book I was working through as it is very good and a great daily motivator for me. One obstacle I will have in the next 2 months though is that this time of year I am pretty busy with work deadlines on top of all the personal life stuff. And work deadlines have to take priority over me keeping up with my daily reading and especially, blogging about it.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Day 5: Magic notebook
Day 5: Magic NotebookThe author of this book heavily encourages us to journal our weight loss plan. I've heard this before. I've heard several times over the years that it is very helpful to write down everything you eat everyday. But I've never done it until now.
Even if I don't get the chance to read a chapter and update this blog every day, I do jot down a note about everything I eat and the time I ate it. I also log my treadmill activity every time I use it.
I have an iPhone and I use the Notes application to keep my food diary. I also keep my treadmill log in there but periodically transfer the entries to a spreadsheet I keep. It is very encouraging to see the total time spent, calories burned and miles traveled on the treadmill build up.
So, apparently the "people" who told me that keeping a food diary would help were right. I do think twice about everything I put in my mouth knowing there will be a record of it. I'm being honest on my food journal. When I eat something I shouldn't, it still gets recorded. But I am finding that being accountable to my blog audience (of which at this point I think is only me but that is ok) does greatly help in keeping me on The Path.
The author recommends that when we think about or crave a particular food, we record it in our food diary as something we can enjoy in the future. That way we can let go of the obsessive thought and move on. I'm going to try that next time I get a craving for something sinful.
Yesterday's Foods:
am: Medifast oatmeal and part of a triple iced latte
11am: Medifast dutch chocolate shake with the rest of the latte mixed into it instead of water
3pm: Medifast chili nacho puffs, Zero Water
5pm: ham & eggs
8pm: Medifast chocolate pudding with 2 tsp of fat free cool whip and about 10-12 chocolate chips mixed in.
Exercise: Treadmill 49 min, 2.5-2.6 speed, 2% incline, 2 miles, 224 calories burned
Weight: down 1.6lbs from previous day, down 5.4lbs since starting back on MF, down 10.0lbs from heaviest weight
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Day 3: Do it anyway
Yesterday I was successful in my endeavor to work my shift at the community fair and NOT partake of any of the yummy but oh-so-fattening "fair food." Before I left the house, I emptied a package of Medifast Puffs into a small ziploc bag, a package of Medifast Pretzels into another bag and filled my large travel cup with a mixture of Sugar Free Red Bull, unsweetened iced tea and ice.
I ate the MF Puffs on the way to the fair location and drank the drink during my 2-hour shift. I worked the booth with two other women, both of whom ate an ice cream cone in the booth. I was not tempted.
I do admit, though, that I was VERY tempted by the people who visited our booth who were carrying elephant ears. The site and smell of them made my stomach growl but I told myself there will be days in the future when I can enjoy an elephant ear, but NOT today.
Immediately after my shift, I left the fair and did not walk around to look at other booths, etc. I had some shopping to do so I ate the pretzels on my way to the store.
When I got home, I was very hungry so I made a large salad with lots of shrimp on top and I dug in!
Last time that I was on MF, I would plan "cheat" days to give me something to look forward to. I've heard that you should not reward yourself with food but rather with something else in order to create new and healthier habits. I've tried thinking that way but it didn't work. I KNOW that I will not be successful on this if I don't allow myself to step off now and then. Otherwise, due to the large amount of weight that I need to lose, it feels in my head like a never-ending road of limited food choices.
This time around, I am not using the word "cheat" in my head but rather I am using the word "detour" to describe the times or days I will stop off my weight loss plan and enjoy some of my favorite foods.
Right now I have no definite day in the future planned for my first Detour. I do know that it will probably be within the next week as I doubt I will be able to contentedly stay on plan for too many more consecutive days. I keep repeating the popular addiction-recovery mantra in my head "one day at a time." I also repeat the phrase from Day 1 of the book I'm reading:
Right now only my husband knows that I am back on the weight-loss road. I told my brother-in-law about how Medifast works and that I was going to go back on it last week so he will probably notice my food choices the next time we are together and ask me about it. I'm ok talking with him about it but will ask him to keep it quiet.
I'm already growing nervous and anxious about people starting to notice my weight loss and inevitable comments and/or questions about it. But I cannot let my abhorrence of talking about the subject of my weight to derail my again. I HAVE to get over it!
Day 3: Do it Anyway
This chapter further talks about the ways in which being interested in something differs from being truly committed to it. The author gives examples of getting up off the couch and exercising even though you don't feel like it, or taking the time to prepare healthy meals that fit your weight-loss plan even though you don't feel like it.
Oh, do I EVER get that!!
So many days, I don't feel like getting up and exercising. And too often, I don't. But I NEVER regret when I do exercise and ALWAYS regret it when I don't. And regrets lead to stress. Seems to be a pretty simple equation in there, dontcha think? Oh, of it were only that easy.
So far today, I have pretty much spent it on the couch watching old movies and either blogging or playing games on my laptop. A bit part of this is that I woke up this morning with a giant allergy attack and headache and just cannot get motivated. After I write this, I am going to go take a short nap in hopes it will help with the headache. Later this evening I WILL exercise on my treadmill, even if I only do one mile.
So today I will do it anyway.
Assignment:
In your journal, make a list of actions you plan to stick with today, regardless of how you feel at the moment.
Today I am going to stick to my diet plan, regardless that I don't feel well and would love some "comfort food."
Yesterday's Foods:
AM: Medifast Oatmeal, triple iced latte
Noon: Medifast Caramel Crunch Bar
1:30pm: Medifast Puffs, SF Red Bull mixed with unsweetened iced tea
4:30pm: Medifast Pretzels, Diet Barqs Root Beer
6pm: large salad with baby shrimp, sharp shredded cheddar cheese, 4 green olives, sunflower seeds. I did have my high fat blue cheese dressing that I love as well as my favorite croutons.
Dessert: 1 SF Popsicle
8pm: SF Hawaiian Punch
Late night: 2 SF Popsicles
Exercise: Treadmill 46 min, 2-2.5 speed, 2% incline, 1.75 miles, 209 calories burned
Weight: down .4lbs from previous day, down 5.4lbs since starting back on MF, down 10.0lbs from heaviest weight
(Note: I wrote this entry several days ago and then got very busy with work and have not been able to get back here to edit it and post it. I did NOT exercise on the day I wrote this as I promised myself. I did go down for a nap but was very lethargic after I got up and still had a bad headache.)
I ate the MF Puffs on the way to the fair location and drank the drink during my 2-hour shift. I worked the booth with two other women, both of whom ate an ice cream cone in the booth. I was not tempted.
I do admit, though, that I was VERY tempted by the people who visited our booth who were carrying elephant ears. The site and smell of them made my stomach growl but I told myself there will be days in the future when I can enjoy an elephant ear, but NOT today.
Immediately after my shift, I left the fair and did not walk around to look at other booths, etc. I had some shopping to do so I ate the pretzels on my way to the store.
When I got home, I was very hungry so I made a large salad with lots of shrimp on top and I dug in!
Last time that I was on MF, I would plan "cheat" days to give me something to look forward to. I've heard that you should not reward yourself with food but rather with something else in order to create new and healthier habits. I've tried thinking that way but it didn't work. I KNOW that I will not be successful on this if I don't allow myself to step off now and then. Otherwise, due to the large amount of weight that I need to lose, it feels in my head like a never-ending road of limited food choices.
This time around, I am not using the word "cheat" in my head but rather I am using the word "detour" to describe the times or days I will stop off my weight loss plan and enjoy some of my favorite foods.
Right now I have no definite day in the future planned for my first Detour. I do know that it will probably be within the next week as I doubt I will be able to contentedly stay on plan for too many more consecutive days. I keep repeating the popular addiction-recovery mantra in my head "one day at a time." I also repeat the phrase from Day 1 of the book I'm reading:
I used to be that way but now I'm different.
Right now only my husband knows that I am back on the weight-loss road. I told my brother-in-law about how Medifast works and that I was going to go back on it last week so he will probably notice my food choices the next time we are together and ask me about it. I'm ok talking with him about it but will ask him to keep it quiet.
I'm already growing nervous and anxious about people starting to notice my weight loss and inevitable comments and/or questions about it. But I cannot let my abhorrence of talking about the subject of my weight to derail my again. I HAVE to get over it!
Day 3: Do it Anyway
This chapter further talks about the ways in which being interested in something differs from being truly committed to it. The author gives examples of getting up off the couch and exercising even though you don't feel like it, or taking the time to prepare healthy meals that fit your weight-loss plan even though you don't feel like it.
Oh, do I EVER get that!!
So many days, I don't feel like getting up and exercising. And too often, I don't. But I NEVER regret when I do exercise and ALWAYS regret it when I don't. And regrets lead to stress. Seems to be a pretty simple equation in there, dontcha think? Oh, of it were only that easy.
So far today, I have pretty much spent it on the couch watching old movies and either blogging or playing games on my laptop. A bit part of this is that I woke up this morning with a giant allergy attack and headache and just cannot get motivated. After I write this, I am going to go take a short nap in hopes it will help with the headache. Later this evening I WILL exercise on my treadmill, even if I only do one mile.
So today I will do it anyway.
Assignment:
In your journal, make a list of actions you plan to stick with today, regardless of how you feel at the moment.
Today I am going to stick to my diet plan, regardless that I don't feel well and would love some "comfort food."
Yesterday's Foods:
AM: Medifast Oatmeal, triple iced latte
Noon: Medifast Caramel Crunch Bar
1:30pm: Medifast Puffs, SF Red Bull mixed with unsweetened iced tea
4:30pm: Medifast Pretzels, Diet Barqs Root Beer
6pm: large salad with baby shrimp, sharp shredded cheddar cheese, 4 green olives, sunflower seeds. I did have my high fat blue cheese dressing that I love as well as my favorite croutons.
Dessert: 1 SF Popsicle
8pm: SF Hawaiian Punch
Late night: 2 SF Popsicles
Exercise: Treadmill 46 min, 2-2.5 speed, 2% incline, 1.75 miles, 209 calories burned
Weight: down .4lbs from previous day, down 5.4lbs since starting back on MF, down 10.0lbs from heaviest weight
(Note: I wrote this entry several days ago and then got very busy with work and have not been able to get back here to edit it and post it. I did NOT exercise on the day I wrote this as I promised myself. I did go down for a nap but was very lethargic after I got up and still had a bad headache.)
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Day 2: Interested or committed?
Day 2: Interested or committed?
This chapter talks about the difference between being merely interested in losing weight and being committed to it. When we are merely interested, we are easily swayed from our diet when opportunities arise to have our favorite foods. When attending a party, going out with friends, or simply having a bad day, we easily convince ourselves that it is OK to go off our diet for a little while to enjoy.
When we are committed, we may not stay on our diet 100% of the time, but we make a conscience choice to pick the times when we stray very carefully, get right back on our diet immediately after and stay on our diet even at some of the parties or at the end of those bad days.
Wow, does this chapter ever ring true for me! So many times I have started full-bore on a weight-loss plan only to fall right off at the first opportunity. I do this for a combination of reasons:
I don't think I have ever truly committed myself to my weight-loss plan. Although last December when I was back on Medifast shortly, I did attend my church's Christmas party and did not eat anything. So that is a good example for me to remember that I CAN attend a party and stay on plan.
I'm famous for my stubbornness so this interested vs committed thing should be easy for me, right? right?
Assignment:
Decide that you will always be committed to your weight-loss plan, not just interested.
OK, I'm working hard on that. The past few days I've reminded myself several times why I am doing this and to stay committed. That has helped me to make better food choices and greatly helped while I was grocery shopping and planning our meals for the next few weeks.
In your journal, describe how you will stick to your program, no matter what.
This blog is my journal. Today I am scheduled to go work a shift for an organization I belong to at our booth at a community fair. Like all community fairs, there will be a sorts of yummy "fair food" like corn dogs (my favorite), french fries, elephant ears (another favorite) readily available for sale there. I'm not going to buy or eat a single thing. Before I leave, I will have a medifast meal and I will pack some medifast snacks in my purse (out of their packages of course so no one knows what I'm snacking on! Yes, I know, silly.). And I will take a big travel cup with a mixture of unsweetened iced tea and Sugar Free Red Bull.
It's only a 2-hour shift and since my husband works tonight, he will not be with me so the temptations will be minimized.
The past few days have been over 100 degrees here and since we don't have central A/C, I've stayed off my treadmill. I figure I've sweated out nearly all the calories I would have burned on the treadmill. But today it will only be in the 80's so I will do 2-3 miles today on the treadmill, either before I head to the community fair or this evening. No matter what.
Do at least one thing today that demonstrates you are truly committed. For example, take a walk or eat your vegetables - no matter what.
Under the previous task I described how I plan to stay ON plan today despite anticipated temptations and my commitment to hit the treadmill today.
Yesterday's Foods:
AM: I attended my Rotary Club meeting and did have breakfast there. 2 veggie sausage patties, small serving of an egg/potato/ham/cheese bake, 3 strawberries, 6-8 blueberries, 6-8 green grapes, mini poppy seed muffin, mini banana nut muffin. One small square of dark chocolate that was passed around.
About half of my usual triple iced latte.
Mid-day: MF chicken noodle soup and MF crackers.
Late afternoon: MF parmesan cheese puffs, 2 sugar-free popsicles
Dinner: grilled skinless/boneless chicken thighs, 1 serving of Knorr Parmesan pasta dish, green salad with some sharp cheddar shredded cheese, 4 small green olives, sunflower seeds, low fat blue cheese yogurt dressing and topped with a few chinese noodles. One sugar free popsicle.
Dessert: MF chocolate pudding with 2tbs of Fat Free Cool Whip stirred in.
Late Night: nothing!
Exercise: None besides usual daily activities and grocery shopping.
Weight: down 1.8lbs from previous day, down 5lbs since starting back on MF, down 9.6lbs from heaviest weight
This chapter talks about the difference between being merely interested in losing weight and being committed to it. When we are merely interested, we are easily swayed from our diet when opportunities arise to have our favorite foods. When attending a party, going out with friends, or simply having a bad day, we easily convince ourselves that it is OK to go off our diet for a little while to enjoy.
When we are committed, we may not stay on our diet 100% of the time, but we make a conscience choice to pick the times when we stray very carefully, get right back on our diet immediately after and stay on our diet even at some of the parties or at the end of those bad days.
Wow, does this chapter ever ring true for me! So many times I have started full-bore on a weight-loss plan only to fall right off at the first opportunity. I do this for a combination of reasons:
- I don't want anyone to question why I'm not eating. That might start a conversation about my diet and weight! If you've read my previous posts, you know how I feel about that!
- I don't want to deny myself. A lot of this stems from the extended periods of time in my life when I was denied foods due to my Crohn's Disease. I've also talked about this in an earlier post.
- I quickly convince myself that I can slip off this "one time" but I will get right back on the wagon. Yeah, that doesn't usually happen. When I slip off, I'm usually off for several days or end up completely abandoning my weight-loss plan all together.
- I tell myself that there is plenty of time in the future for dieting but right NOW I'm going to enjoy myself. Yeah, that's just not working anymore. Every day that I'm not on a plan for weight-loss is one more day I will stay heavy. I envision myself at a healthy weight but it's not going to happen overnight, in one month, and very possibly not even in one year. I need to be on that path NOW and I need to stay on it. If I veer off, it needs to be a VERY short detour and I must get back on the main path ASAP.
I don't think I have ever truly committed myself to my weight-loss plan. Although last December when I was back on Medifast shortly, I did attend my church's Christmas party and did not eat anything. So that is a good example for me to remember that I CAN attend a party and stay on plan.
I'm famous for my stubbornness so this interested vs committed thing should be easy for me, right? right?
Assignment:
Decide that you will always be committed to your weight-loss plan, not just interested.
OK, I'm working hard on that. The past few days I've reminded myself several times why I am doing this and to stay committed. That has helped me to make better food choices and greatly helped while I was grocery shopping and planning our meals for the next few weeks.
In your journal, describe how you will stick to your program, no matter what.
This blog is my journal. Today I am scheduled to go work a shift for an organization I belong to at our booth at a community fair. Like all community fairs, there will be a sorts of yummy "fair food" like corn dogs (my favorite), french fries, elephant ears (another favorite) readily available for sale there. I'm not going to buy or eat a single thing. Before I leave, I will have a medifast meal and I will pack some medifast snacks in my purse (out of their packages of course so no one knows what I'm snacking on! Yes, I know, silly.). And I will take a big travel cup with a mixture of unsweetened iced tea and Sugar Free Red Bull.It's only a 2-hour shift and since my husband works tonight, he will not be with me so the temptations will be minimized.
The past few days have been over 100 degrees here and since we don't have central A/C, I've stayed off my treadmill. I figure I've sweated out nearly all the calories I would have burned on the treadmill. But today it will only be in the 80's so I will do 2-3 miles today on the treadmill, either before I head to the community fair or this evening. No matter what.
Do at least one thing today that demonstrates you are truly committed. For example, take a walk or eat your vegetables - no matter what.
Under the previous task I described how I plan to stay ON plan today despite anticipated temptations and my commitment to hit the treadmill today.
Yesterday's Foods:
AM: I attended my Rotary Club meeting and did have breakfast there. 2 veggie sausage patties, small serving of an egg/potato/ham/cheese bake, 3 strawberries, 6-8 blueberries, 6-8 green grapes, mini poppy seed muffin, mini banana nut muffin. One small square of dark chocolate that was passed around.
About half of my usual triple iced latte.
Mid-day: MF chicken noodle soup and MF crackers.
Late afternoon: MF parmesan cheese puffs, 2 sugar-free popsicles
Dinner: grilled skinless/boneless chicken thighs, 1 serving of Knorr Parmesan pasta dish, green salad with some sharp cheddar shredded cheese, 4 small green olives, sunflower seeds, low fat blue cheese yogurt dressing and topped with a few chinese noodles. One sugar free popsicle.
Dessert: MF chocolate pudding with 2tbs of Fat Free Cool Whip stirred in.
Late Night: nothing!
Exercise: None besides usual daily activities and grocery shopping.
Weight: down 1.8lbs from previous day, down 5lbs since starting back on MF, down 9.6lbs from heaviest weight
Friday, July 9, 2010
7/9/10: Check-in
Yesterday's Foods:
AM: MF dutch chocolate shake, triple iced latte.
Mid-day: small serving of leftover pasta salad
Late afternoon: MF chocolate crunch bar
Dinner: grilled hamburger patty with melted cheddar cheese (no bun), 1tsp of blue cheese dressing to dip hamburger bites into, grilled hot dog (no bun), large serving of green beans, broccoli, peas, cauliflower in a light butter garlic sauce.
Dessert: nothing
Late Night: 1 measured serving (150 cal) of Nacho Cheese Dorritos and one string cheese.
Exercise: None besides usual daily activities.
Weight: did not weight previous day, down 3.2lbs since starting back on MF, down 7.8lbs from heaviest weight
AM: MF dutch chocolate shake, triple iced latte.
Mid-day: small serving of leftover pasta salad
Late afternoon: MF chocolate crunch bar
Dinner: grilled hamburger patty with melted cheddar cheese (no bun), 1tsp of blue cheese dressing to dip hamburger bites into, grilled hot dog (no bun), large serving of green beans, broccoli, peas, cauliflower in a light butter garlic sauce.
Dessert: nothing
Late Night: 1 measured serving (150 cal) of Nacho Cheese Dorritos and one string cheese.
Exercise: None besides usual daily activities.
Weight: did not weight previous day, down 3.2lbs since starting back on MF, down 7.8lbs from heaviest weight
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Day 1: I used to be that way
Day 1: I used to be that way
The first paragraph hit home with me. "You are so determined to make this program work. This time you really want to stay on your weight-loss plan and reach your goal. But deep inside, you may be afraid you haven't changed at all and that you'll quit your program long before the 100 days are up."
YEP.
I don't think I have ever stayed on a weight-loss plan consistently for 100 straight days. I fall off after the first month or few weeks or even a few times after just a day or two. And I even admit that a few times I've started the day with an attitude of "this is IT. I'm going to lose this weight" and by the evening I've fallen off the wagon.
So, yes, I am afraid I won't complete this. I am hoping that by posting my daily progress here I will be a lot more accountable to myself. I may not do one of the "days" every day and that is ok. Linda talks in her book that some people may need more than 100 days to complete the 100-Day Plan as life does get in the way. But as that happens, I will pick up where I left off and continue down the path.
This first lesson starts right off with a great lesson. "Change your thinking"
In regards to falling off the wagon and abandoning a weight-loss plan, she writes "Stop right there! Your past does not determine your future. In fact, your previous failures have absolutely no effect on your ability to succeed now. Staring today, eliminate the belief that things always go a certain way or that you never stay with your goals. Whenever those doubts creep back in, immediately give yourself this new message:
Assignment:
1. Make a list of any fears or negative behaviors that have hurt your weight-loss success in the past. Read each one out loud, and then say, "I used to be that way, but now I'm different."
Fear: I will fail and people will know. I am such a type-A-never-disappoint-everything-has-to-be-perfect person that this is a big one for me. I HATE, HATE, HATE talking about my weight. This stems from being a fat kid and teenager and some of the horribly cruel things that were done and said to me by other kids. I also have a lot of anxiety about my weight and my family, especially my Dad. I know he loves me but he was quite hard on me in my teenage years when I was overweight and made it known he was embarrassed to have a fat daughter. When I am around him and other people in my family, I just feel like a huge, fat, ugly loser.
I only discuss my weight with my husband who is unbelievably supportive and loves me no matter what the scale or the tag on my clothes says. I also have 2 girlfriends that I sort of feel ok discussing weight with. They both struggle too but I'm heavier than both of them. And of course I can talk about it with my doctor.
Whenever I start on a new weight-loss plan, I never tell anyone but my husband and (maybe) my doctor. I don't even tell the girlfriends. I am so afraid of anyone knowing I failed that it is easier to just not tell anyone.
Fear: Talking about my weight. I have recently come to realize that due to my enormous fear of talking about my weight, when I start to lose weight, I both crave attention from those around me to notice and also at the same time I dread them noticing. I crave the attention as validation that I'm doing something right and I dread it as I know I will be asked what I am doing or they will remark that they notice and right in that I would be forced to talk about weight. Stupid, I know. But I think this dread is part of what is sabotaging me in gaining success in losing.
Negative Behavior: I'm a foodie. I have a very severe case of Crohn's Disease and have had 9 bowel resections. During my hospital stays (2-3 weeks at a time) for each of those surgeries, I spent most of the time with a tube down my nose to suck the juices out of my stomach and had nothing by mouth so that my bowel could rest and heal.
I've also spent years of my life while sick with CD in which my diet was very limited. No popcorn, nuts, seeds, berries, etc.
It is due to these experiences that it is so hard for me to turn down my favorite foods during the times I am healthy enough to enjoy them. And I don't think that anyone who has not experienced weeks or months of life being denied any food or beverage could understand.
I LOVE movie theater popcorn and when I am healthy, I feel it is impossible for me to enjoy going to a movie without a big tub of buttered popcorn on my lap. I am going to really try to break this and a goal that I have during my 100 days is to go to the movies and take 1 (or 2) of my Medifast snacks with me and enjoy them and a Diet Coke during the movie. I might also look for some sort of sugar-free candy or something similar I could try.
Negative Behavior: I don't make my health a priority. Along with my Type-A personality, I also have a good case of ADD in that I often don't stick to things to finish them completely and too often over-schedule myself. I just can't turn the brain off.
Because of this, I have a very hard time fitting in the time required to prepare meals for healthy eating and to exercise. They aren't priorities in my day. Other, stupid stuff seems to always win out (watching tv, playing a computer game, Facebook, shopping, etc).
2. Then write new endings for them by completing this sentence: I used to _________ (fill in your old behavior), but now I __________ (write in your new ending).
I used to fear failure, but now I will embrace failure, learn from it and strive to do better.
I used to fear talking about my weight, but now I will keep in mind that most everyone struggles with weight and self-image issues and I will embrace those who offer me support.
I used to find it hard to resist my favorite foods and would over-indulge, but now I allow myself some treats but keep the serving size reasonable and get right back on my plan afterward. I will also not allow every treat that comes my way but be choosier about what is worth stepping off plan for.
I used to not make my health a priority, but now I am making myself and my goal to a healthy weight a priority. I have a lot of weight to lose that will take a bit of time and every day that goes by that I'm not on a path to losing is another day I am away from being at goal.
3. Read these new outcomes often, and then live in a way that makes them true.
This was from the Day 1 segment of the book which I read several days ago. I've been mulling it over in my head and decided to start blogging my progress so right now I'm going to go read Day 2's entry and post again.
The first paragraph hit home with me. "You are so determined to make this program work. This time you really want to stay on your weight-loss plan and reach your goal. But deep inside, you may be afraid you haven't changed at all and that you'll quit your program long before the 100 days are up."
YEP.
I don't think I have ever stayed on a weight-loss plan consistently for 100 straight days. I fall off after the first month or few weeks or even a few times after just a day or two. And I even admit that a few times I've started the day with an attitude of "this is IT. I'm going to lose this weight" and by the evening I've fallen off the wagon.
So, yes, I am afraid I won't complete this. I am hoping that by posting my daily progress here I will be a lot more accountable to myself. I may not do one of the "days" every day and that is ok. Linda talks in her book that some people may need more than 100 days to complete the 100-Day Plan as life does get in the way. But as that happens, I will pick up where I left off and continue down the path.
This first lesson starts right off with a great lesson. "Change your thinking"
In regards to falling off the wagon and abandoning a weight-loss plan, she writes "Stop right there! Your past does not determine your future. In fact, your previous failures have absolutely no effect on your ability to succeed now. Staring today, eliminate the belief that things always go a certain way or that you never stay with your goals. Whenever those doubts creep back in, immediately give yourself this new message:
I used to be that way, but now I'm different!"
Assignment:
1. Make a list of any fears or negative behaviors that have hurt your weight-loss success in the past. Read each one out loud, and then say, "I used to be that way, but now I'm different."
Fear: I will fail and people will know. I am such a type-A-never-disappoint-everything-has-to-be-perfect person that this is a big one for me. I HATE, HATE, HATE talking about my weight. This stems from being a fat kid and teenager and some of the horribly cruel things that were done and said to me by other kids. I also have a lot of anxiety about my weight and my family, especially my Dad. I know he loves me but he was quite hard on me in my teenage years when I was overweight and made it known he was embarrassed to have a fat daughter. When I am around him and other people in my family, I just feel like a huge, fat, ugly loser.
I only discuss my weight with my husband who is unbelievably supportive and loves me no matter what the scale or the tag on my clothes says. I also have 2 girlfriends that I sort of feel ok discussing weight with. They both struggle too but I'm heavier than both of them. And of course I can talk about it with my doctor.
Whenever I start on a new weight-loss plan, I never tell anyone but my husband and (maybe) my doctor. I don't even tell the girlfriends. I am so afraid of anyone knowing I failed that it is easier to just not tell anyone.
Fear: Talking about my weight. I have recently come to realize that due to my enormous fear of talking about my weight, when I start to lose weight, I both crave attention from those around me to notice and also at the same time I dread them noticing. I crave the attention as validation that I'm doing something right and I dread it as I know I will be asked what I am doing or they will remark that they notice and right in that I would be forced to talk about weight. Stupid, I know. But I think this dread is part of what is sabotaging me in gaining success in losing.
Negative Behavior: I'm a foodie. I have a very severe case of Crohn's Disease and have had 9 bowel resections. During my hospital stays (2-3 weeks at a time) for each of those surgeries, I spent most of the time with a tube down my nose to suck the juices out of my stomach and had nothing by mouth so that my bowel could rest and heal.
I've also spent years of my life while sick with CD in which my diet was very limited. No popcorn, nuts, seeds, berries, etc.
It is due to these experiences that it is so hard for me to turn down my favorite foods during the times I am healthy enough to enjoy them. And I don't think that anyone who has not experienced weeks or months of life being denied any food or beverage could understand.
I LOVE movie theater popcorn and when I am healthy, I feel it is impossible for me to enjoy going to a movie without a big tub of buttered popcorn on my lap. I am going to really try to break this and a goal that I have during my 100 days is to go to the movies and take 1 (or 2) of my Medifast snacks with me and enjoy them and a Diet Coke during the movie. I might also look for some sort of sugar-free candy or something similar I could try.
Negative Behavior: I don't make my health a priority. Along with my Type-A personality, I also have a good case of ADD in that I often don't stick to things to finish them completely and too often over-schedule myself. I just can't turn the brain off.
Because of this, I have a very hard time fitting in the time required to prepare meals for healthy eating and to exercise. They aren't priorities in my day. Other, stupid stuff seems to always win out (watching tv, playing a computer game, Facebook, shopping, etc).
2. Then write new endings for them by completing this sentence: I used to _________ (fill in your old behavior), but now I __________ (write in your new ending).
I used to fear failure, but now I will embrace failure, learn from it and strive to do better.
I used to fear talking about my weight, but now I will keep in mind that most everyone struggles with weight and self-image issues and I will embrace those who offer me support.
I used to find it hard to resist my favorite foods and would over-indulge, but now I allow myself some treats but keep the serving size reasonable and get right back on my plan afterward. I will also not allow every treat that comes my way but be choosier about what is worth stepping off plan for.
I used to not make my health a priority, but now I am making myself and my goal to a healthy weight a priority. I have a lot of weight to lose that will take a bit of time and every day that goes by that I'm not on a path to losing is another day I am away from being at goal.
3. Read these new outcomes often, and then live in a way that makes them true.
This was from the Day 1 segment of the book which I read several days ago. I've been mulling it over in my head and decided to start blogging my progress so right now I'm going to go read Day 2's entry and post again.
Back to Blogging
OK, so I haven't posted in over NINE months. WOW. Didn't realize it had been that long until I counted up the months.
No weight loss. Weight gain if anything. I've gained 5-7 pounds since last Fall. I am thoroughly disgusted with myself and it has just got to STOP.
I started on Medifast again around the start of the year as a girlfriend of mine started on it so I though maybe I would have more success knowing we had each other for support. She had success on it. Once again my CD flared up a bit and I left the plan after only 2 weeks or so.
Yes, I have a chronic illness that is sensitive to prepared foods and the "green" in the lean & green meals. But I have to find a solution that works for me and stop using the CD as an excuse to stay fat.
I'm missing out on things in life and holding myself back because of my weight. And that is so ridiculous. I know my professional life is affected. I don't have a professional head shot of myself to use in advertising because I HATE having my picture taken. So I avoid the camera at all costs.
When friends or family do manage to snap a picture of me, put it up on Facebook and then tag me, I untag myself right away. I've only allowed a select few of tagged pictures to remain so.
I feel awkward in social situations. Compared to other women, I just feel completely ugly and GROSS. So I find myself not wanting to go to social functions and to just hide away in my house or to only go out with certain friends around whom I don't feel awkward.
In the past couple of years when I am at a family or social function, I find myself looking around the room and notice that I am the heaviest person in the room. My heart hurts every time I notice that and it contributes to my feelings of self-loathing, depression and further spirals bad food choices and emotional eating.
So I am starting back on Medifast again, although altered to include some wild rice, whole grain pasta, etc to hopefully keep the CD monster at bay. I know this will slow the weight loss but I'm hoping the time I spend on the treadmill will help balance that out. I also have a bunch of MF food left and cannot afford to waste it.
This time I will stay on MF until the food is gone. I will have to purchase some more of the oatmeal as it is my favorite of all the MF foods and I only have 7-8 packets left. I also want to try the recently released brownies.
When the food is nearly gone, I will assess how I am doing on it and how I am feeling. If all is going ok, I'll order more. If not doing ok, I'm probably going to try Nutrisystem.
My husband needs to lose weight too but we cannot afford for both of us to be on a prepared-food system such as MF or NS at the same time so he is going to start making better choices and allow me to go full-bore on a plan. God bless him.
I've also started reading the book 100 Days of Weight Loss: The Secret to Being Successful on Any Diet Plan by Linda Spangle. The book has a chapter to read each day for 100 days and many of the days have "homework" to complete as well. I'm going to complete those assignments here on this blog as much as possible.
Wish me luck!
No weight loss. Weight gain if anything. I've gained 5-7 pounds since last Fall. I am thoroughly disgusted with myself and it has just got to STOP.
I started on Medifast again around the start of the year as a girlfriend of mine started on it so I though maybe I would have more success knowing we had each other for support. She had success on it. Once again my CD flared up a bit and I left the plan after only 2 weeks or so.
Yes, I have a chronic illness that is sensitive to prepared foods and the "green" in the lean & green meals. But I have to find a solution that works for me and stop using the CD as an excuse to stay fat.
I'm missing out on things in life and holding myself back because of my weight. And that is so ridiculous. I know my professional life is affected. I don't have a professional head shot of myself to use in advertising because I HATE having my picture taken. So I avoid the camera at all costs.
When friends or family do manage to snap a picture of me, put it up on Facebook and then tag me, I untag myself right away. I've only allowed a select few of tagged pictures to remain so.
I feel awkward in social situations. Compared to other women, I just feel completely ugly and GROSS. So I find myself not wanting to go to social functions and to just hide away in my house or to only go out with certain friends around whom I don't feel awkward.
In the past couple of years when I am at a family or social function, I find myself looking around the room and notice that I am the heaviest person in the room. My heart hurts every time I notice that and it contributes to my feelings of self-loathing, depression and further spirals bad food choices and emotional eating.
So I am starting back on Medifast again, although altered to include some wild rice, whole grain pasta, etc to hopefully keep the CD monster at bay. I know this will slow the weight loss but I'm hoping the time I spend on the treadmill will help balance that out. I also have a bunch of MF food left and cannot afford to waste it.
This time I will stay on MF until the food is gone. I will have to purchase some more of the oatmeal as it is my favorite of all the MF foods and I only have 7-8 packets left. I also want to try the recently released brownies.
When the food is nearly gone, I will assess how I am doing on it and how I am feeling. If all is going ok, I'll order more. If not doing ok, I'm probably going to try Nutrisystem.
My husband needs to lose weight too but we cannot afford for both of us to be on a prepared-food system such as MF or NS at the same time so he is going to start making better choices and allow me to go full-bore on a plan. God bless him.
I've also started reading the book 100 Days of Weight Loss: The Secret to Being Successful on Any Diet Plan by Linda Spangle. The book has a chapter to read each day for 100 days and many of the days have "homework" to complete as well. I'm going to complete those assignments here on this blog as much as possible.
Wish me luck!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Switching Gears
So after one week back on MF I was again having some of the same problems I developed last spring. One of those problems is the complete BOREDOM with the food. It is so limiting and of everything they offer, I only like about 60% of the products. I recently sold on eBay all the MF products that I didn't like. It's nice to get some of that money back.
The other problem is related to my Crohn's Disease. After 5-6 days of sticking to MF, my body just starts to go nuts. Too much green stuff! I can tolerate veggies pretty well but apparently day after day of lots of veggies and no starches my body gets upset.
Well, since starches and grains are not allowed on MF, I knew I had to find a different solution.
Since I'm a numbers person, I decided to go with Weight Watchers. I know my weightloss will be slower than it is on MF but I think I can stick to it easier since more variety is allowed.
I've calculated the WW points on my remaining MF products and are continuing to eat those along with other foods. For instance, the MF oatmeal (which I LOVE and is the ONLY oatmeal I can tolerate) is only 1 point!
I was also getting absolutely no support from my MF coach and considering the cost of the MF products, my monthly subscription to WW online ($17) will be saving me considerable money.
So, still on the path of weightloss, just decided to take a different route!
The other problem is related to my Crohn's Disease. After 5-6 days of sticking to MF, my body just starts to go nuts. Too much green stuff! I can tolerate veggies pretty well but apparently day after day of lots of veggies and no starches my body gets upset.
Well, since starches and grains are not allowed on MF, I knew I had to find a different solution.
Since I'm a numbers person, I decided to go with Weight Watchers. I know my weightloss will be slower than it is on MF but I think I can stick to it easier since more variety is allowed.
I've calculated the WW points on my remaining MF products and are continuing to eat those along with other foods. For instance, the MF oatmeal (which I LOVE and is the ONLY oatmeal I can tolerate) is only 1 point!
I was also getting absolutely no support from my MF coach and considering the cost of the MF products, my monthly subscription to WW online ($17) will be saving me considerable money.
So, still on the path of weightloss, just decided to take a different route!
Monday, September 28, 2009
One Week Mark
So today marks one week back "on the wagon" for me. Overall I think the first week went ok. It could have been better but not being on plan at all would have been worse. I lost 4-5lbs so that is good.
Last night's dinner was left over chinese food, baked salmon (had some thawed in the fridge that needed to get cooked) and a big green salad. I was only able to eat about half of the chinese food/salmon so I will be having that tonight again along with another big green salad.
Last night I gave into the late-night munchies and cheated. I'm not sure why I did it. I was looking forward to crawling into bed and watching the season premieres of Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters that I had recorded on the DVR and for some reason I had a strong craving for cheese and crackers. So I gave in. Tonight will be better. I will have a MF bar late tonight before bed. I promise!
Today has been....
11am: MF oatmeal
12:30pm: MF honey mustard pretzels
3:30pm: MF chicken noodle soup and MF garden vegetable crackers
I've been spending a LOT of time alone lately due to my husband's work schedule and his recent illness (sinus infection). This has me feeling down a bit and I'm also really missing my mom lately so that doesn't help. I know that eating when I feel depressed is not the answer so I will have to try harder to resist the urges and cravings.
Last night's dinner was left over chinese food, baked salmon (had some thawed in the fridge that needed to get cooked) and a big green salad. I was only able to eat about half of the chinese food/salmon so I will be having that tonight again along with another big green salad.
Last night I gave into the late-night munchies and cheated. I'm not sure why I did it. I was looking forward to crawling into bed and watching the season premieres of Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters that I had recorded on the DVR and for some reason I had a strong craving for cheese and crackers. So I gave in. Tonight will be better. I will have a MF bar late tonight before bed. I promise!
Today has been....
11am: MF oatmeal
12:30pm: MF honey mustard pretzels
3:30pm: MF chicken noodle soup and MF garden vegetable crackers
I've been spending a LOT of time alone lately due to my husband's work schedule and his recent illness (sinus infection). This has me feeling down a bit and I'm also really missing my mom lately so that doesn't help. I know that eating when I feel depressed is not the answer so I will have to try harder to resist the urges and cravings.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Doing OK
I'm doing ok with staying pretty "on plan." Not perfect. But OK.
Last Thursday we met a family member for dinner at Famous Dave's. The guys had big plates of ribs but I ordered the salmon. I've had their salmon before and it is super yummy. We ordered the catfish tenders for an appetizer. We had never had catfish before so we were curious to try them. I only ate two of them and left the rest for the guys.
So not perfect. But OK.
The salmon is served on a bed of onion straws and comes with a cornbread muffin and a small piece of corn on the cob. It also comes with a choice of two sides. I chose the baked beans and the fries. Baked beans good. Fries bad. I know.
The kitchen forgot to include the corn on the cob on my plate but I did not complain. The fewers carbs put in front of me the better!.
I ate all of the salmon, about half of the onion straws (again, super yummy and hard to resist!), half of the fries (love their fries), a few bites of the baked beans (can't handle too much of those) and all of the corn muffin (LOVE those!). I also had an iced tea with one packet of Equal in it.
So not perfect. But OK.
I left a lot of food on my plate but did eat all of the salmon.
I can't remember everything I had on Friday but I did stick completely to Plan including abstaining from any of my husband's late night crackers and cheese snack that looked very good. I had a MF bar instead. Our dinner on Friday night was grilled turkey burgers (no bun) with low fat swiss cheese, roasted asparagus and big green salads.
My CD kicked up Friday night which can happen if I've had a week heavy on raw veggies. So Saturday I did go off plan and avoided raw veggies. Hubby was sick so after we took him to urgent care for some meds , he wanted hot & sour soup from our local Chinese restaurant.
I got several items from them for us to eat at home. Sizzling Beef & Scallops (over pan fried noodles) for me, an order of BBQ pork to share, an order of potstickers for him (I had two) and an order of fried wontons (really bad I know but I love them). I didn't overeat and there is still quite a bit left. It will be dinner tonight along with a big salad.
Cheese often helps calm down my CD so last night I had a snack of chedder, swiss and some veggies crisps. I also cheated with some candy corn.
So far today I'm on plan. A MF shake for breakfast, MF chili for lunch, and MF cinnamon sugar soy crisps for snack.
I'm down 4 pounds in one week so I feel good about that. Today at church I sat next to my MF coach (and good friend) and her husband. Although I wouldn't want her to know this as I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings, it is very hard to be around her at church.
She has had phenomenal success on MF and looks fabulous. When friends at church greet her, so many of them compliment her. Don't get me wrong. She totally deserves it. But standing next to her I just feel like this fat, ugly failure. Today one of our friends came over and hugged me hello. She then hugged my MF coach-friend and made the comment "hi Skinny."
Ouch.
I know. It's shallow. But this is my place where I can be completely honest how I am feeling with no fear of who I will hurt or how it will be construed.
It hurts to see her success and know my failures.
A lot.
But my struggles are my own and I have to take one day at a time.
Last Thursday we met a family member for dinner at Famous Dave's. The guys had big plates of ribs but I ordered the salmon. I've had their salmon before and it is super yummy. We ordered the catfish tenders for an appetizer. We had never had catfish before so we were curious to try them. I only ate two of them and left the rest for the guys.
So not perfect. But OK.
The salmon is served on a bed of onion straws and comes with a cornbread muffin and a small piece of corn on the cob. It also comes with a choice of two sides. I chose the baked beans and the fries. Baked beans good. Fries bad. I know.
The kitchen forgot to include the corn on the cob on my plate but I did not complain. The fewers carbs put in front of me the better!.
I ate all of the salmon, about half of the onion straws (again, super yummy and hard to resist!), half of the fries (love their fries), a few bites of the baked beans (can't handle too much of those) and all of the corn muffin (LOVE those!). I also had an iced tea with one packet of Equal in it.
So not perfect. But OK.
I left a lot of food on my plate but did eat all of the salmon.
I can't remember everything I had on Friday but I did stick completely to Plan including abstaining from any of my husband's late night crackers and cheese snack that looked very good. I had a MF bar instead. Our dinner on Friday night was grilled turkey burgers (no bun) with low fat swiss cheese, roasted asparagus and big green salads.
My CD kicked up Friday night which can happen if I've had a week heavy on raw veggies. So Saturday I did go off plan and avoided raw veggies. Hubby was sick so after we took him to urgent care for some meds , he wanted hot & sour soup from our local Chinese restaurant.
I got several items from them for us to eat at home. Sizzling Beef & Scallops (over pan fried noodles) for me, an order of BBQ pork to share, an order of potstickers for him (I had two) and an order of fried wontons (really bad I know but I love them). I didn't overeat and there is still quite a bit left. It will be dinner tonight along with a big salad.
Cheese often helps calm down my CD so last night I had a snack of chedder, swiss and some veggies crisps. I also cheated with some candy corn.
So far today I'm on plan. A MF shake for breakfast, MF chili for lunch, and MF cinnamon sugar soy crisps for snack.
I'm down 4 pounds in one week so I feel good about that. Today at church I sat next to my MF coach (and good friend) and her husband. Although I wouldn't want her to know this as I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings, it is very hard to be around her at church.
She has had phenomenal success on MF and looks fabulous. When friends at church greet her, so many of them compliment her. Don't get me wrong. She totally deserves it. But standing next to her I just feel like this fat, ugly failure. Today one of our friends came over and hugged me hello. She then hugged my MF coach-friend and made the comment "hi Skinny."
Ouch.
I know. It's shallow. But this is my place where I can be completely honest how I am feeling with no fear of who I will hurt or how it will be construed.
It hurts to see her success and know my failures.
A lot.
But my struggles are my own and I have to take one day at a time.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Pointed in the right direction
Yay! So, three full days back on "plan" and I'm down 2.6lbs. Overall I'm down 14.4lbs from my starting weight back in March. I have a long way to go but seeing the scale move down is a good move.
Yesterday I had a MF Chicken Noodle soup and white cheddar soy crisps for lunch, a MF Oatmeal Raisin bar for snack, a large salad with grilled chicken for dinner, MF chocolate pudding for dessert and a MF bar late at night.
This morning I slept late and started my day with a MF Oatmeal.
Tonight we are taking a friend out to eat and I will attempt to stay on "plan" with a lean and green but a big juicy hamburger sure does sound good!
Yesterday I had a MF Chicken Noodle soup and white cheddar soy crisps for lunch, a MF Oatmeal Raisin bar for snack, a large salad with grilled chicken for dinner, MF chocolate pudding for dessert and a MF bar late at night.
This morning I slept late and started my day with a MF Oatmeal.
Tonight we are taking a friend out to eat and I will attempt to stay on "plan" with a lean and green but a big juicy hamburger sure does sound good!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
OK, So Not So Perfect....
OK, so yesterday went well but I did succumb to the late-night munchie cravings and had some low-fat chips and american cheese. I know. Carbs late at night. Bad, bad, bad.
This week is proving to be very stressful. My main computer is down and at my IT guy's office so I am working off my laptop. Saturday our DVD player in the bedroom broke. Today I woke up to no internet and after some trouble-shooting with Comcast we determined that the router is the problem. Hubby worked last night so he's asleep until this afternoon. So that means I can't work in the living room from the laptop (and comfortably in front of the tv...) but instead have to be at an uncomfortable table where I can plug directly into the cable modem since a wireless connection is out right now.
argggghhhhhhhh
10:30am: MF dutch choc shake with some powdered pb added in.
This week is proving to be very stressful. My main computer is down and at my IT guy's office so I am working off my laptop. Saturday our DVD player in the bedroom broke. Today I woke up to no internet and after some trouble-shooting with Comcast we determined that the router is the problem. Hubby worked last night so he's asleep until this afternoon. So that means I can't work in the living room from the laptop (and comfortably in front of the tv...) but instead have to be at an uncomfortable table where I can plug directly into the cable modem since a wireless connection is out right now.
argggghhhhhhhh
10:30am: MF dutch choc shake with some powdered pb added in.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Day Two On the Wagon
So today was Day Two of me being "back on the wagon." So far, so good.
Since my spouse works nights, I tend to stay up really late and then sleep until 9 or 10 in the morning so that I am able to spend more time with him on his days off. I fight those late-night munchy cravings really hard. The past few weeks I've been losing that battle! :)
But last night since I have started back on the MF, I had a MF bar at about midnight and then nothing further.
I actually under-ate yesterday as I only got in 3 of the 5 MF meals I'm supposed to eat. But I did enjoy 4 yummy caramels from Mermaid Caramels. So nutrition-wise I was lacking but calorie-wise I'm sure I was just fine, if not too high.
Today was:
11am: MF Dutch Choc shake
1pm: MF Choc Mint bar
3:30pm: MF nacho cheese puffs
6pm: dinner which was grilled chicken thighs (skinless & boneless), roasted asparagus and a big green salad (with dressing on the side and no (sigh...) croutons).
I also had my usual (and daily) iced latte (no sweetener) and also had a large iced black tea with one Splenda from Starbucks.
I'm glad to be back on the program but it is overwhelming to think about how much weight I need to lose (100-115lbs) and how long it is going to take. I am hoping I will feel more energized and positive about it once I start seeing the scale moving down and I start feeling the effects of the balanced and complete nutrition that MF provides.
I've realized in the past year that I REALLY hate how I look and it's holding me back, both in my personal and professional lives. More so in my professional life. I don't want to put up any pictures of me on the internet and I avoid networking situations as I just feel so ugly and gross.
So, please God, help me lose this weight!
Since my spouse works nights, I tend to stay up really late and then sleep until 9 or 10 in the morning so that I am able to spend more time with him on his days off. I fight those late-night munchy cravings really hard. The past few weeks I've been losing that battle! :)
But last night since I have started back on the MF, I had a MF bar at about midnight and then nothing further.
I actually under-ate yesterday as I only got in 3 of the 5 MF meals I'm supposed to eat. But I did enjoy 4 yummy caramels from Mermaid Caramels. So nutrition-wise I was lacking but calorie-wise I'm sure I was just fine, if not too high.
Today was:
11am: MF Dutch Choc shake
1pm: MF Choc Mint bar
3:30pm: MF nacho cheese puffs
6pm: dinner which was grilled chicken thighs (skinless & boneless), roasted asparagus and a big green salad (with dressing on the side and no (sigh...) croutons).
I also had my usual (and daily) iced latte (no sweetener) and also had a large iced black tea with one Splenda from Starbucks.
I'm glad to be back on the program but it is overwhelming to think about how much weight I need to lose (100-115lbs) and how long it is going to take. I am hoping I will feel more energized and positive about it once I start seeing the scale moving down and I start feeling the effects of the balanced and complete nutrition that MF provides.
I've realized in the past year that I REALLY hate how I look and it's holding me back, both in my personal and professional lives. More so in my professional life. I don't want to put up any pictures of me on the internet and I avoid networking situations as I just feel so ugly and gross.
So, please God, help me lose this weight!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Starting Again
OK - so my recent attempt to get "back on the wagon" did not go so well. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I want to lose weight but I'm just having so much trouble getting motivated.
Ugh!
So, ok. TODAY I am attempting to start again.
10am: MF Dutch Choc shake with 1tsp powdered peanut butter.
11:45am: MF chicken & wild rice soup.
Dinner tonight was planned to be leftover spaghetti. I have some chicken breasts in the fridge so I will bake those. Hubby will get a chicken breast and the leftover spaghetti with the sauce and a salad. I will have a chicken breast with a little bit of sauce and a big salad. We have lots of salad on hand but I need to stop at the store and pick up a few more veggies like a cucumber and broccoli.
Praying for God to help me get started again!
Ugh!
So, ok. TODAY I am attempting to start again.
10am: MF Dutch Choc shake with 1tsp powdered peanut butter.
11:45am: MF chicken & wild rice soup.
Dinner tonight was planned to be leftover spaghetti. I have some chicken breasts in the fridge so I will bake those. Hubby will get a chicken breast and the leftover spaghetti with the sauce and a salad. I will have a chicken breast with a little bit of sauce and a big salad. We have lots of salad on hand but I need to stop at the store and pick up a few more veggies like a cucumber and broccoli.
Praying for God to help me get started again!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Back on The Wagon
One of the reasons I started this blog was to have a place to journal about my battles with losing weight. Back in March of this year, I started on the Medifast program. I did really well thru March & April, losing over 20lbs. Then in May I took 5 days off the program when we went out of town to celebrate our anniversary.
After our trip, I got back on the program but not with the same gusto as I had when I started. I chose more "cheat" items than I should have. But I did start an exercise program.
Around mid-June I really started to get into a depressive funk and that lasted all the way thru August. I'll get into why I was depressed in another post.
So I promised myself that I would get "back on the wagon" come September. So today I am attempting to climb back onto that big ol' wagon.
I weighed myself this morning and I am up 9lbs from my last weight in June. Ugh! But I knew it. My clothes are tighter and I can feel it in my body and overall health.
Overall I have just over 100lbs to lose. Probably closer to 120-125 to fit into the government's ideals but I have a chronic illness in which a few extra pounds can be beneficial. I also do not have a "skinny" body type. The goal of 100lbs overwhelms me so I'm sticking with a short-term goal of 20lbs by the middle of October (yes this is very possible on the Medifast program).
There are several health and emotional issues why I overeat and under-move. I'll talk about those more in depth in future posts.
I HATE talking about weight due to some very traumatic events in my childhood (I know, I should just get over it already). So I've created this blog as a place for me to talk about all the weight, diet, food and self-image issues I am unable to talk to anyone in person. And this is certainly cheaper than therapy!
I'm praying for strength and guidance from God as I re-embark on this journey. If you are so moved, I would also appreciate support and prayer from you as well.
After our trip, I got back on the program but not with the same gusto as I had when I started. I chose more "cheat" items than I should have. But I did start an exercise program.
Around mid-June I really started to get into a depressive funk and that lasted all the way thru August. I'll get into why I was depressed in another post.
So I promised myself that I would get "back on the wagon" come September. So today I am attempting to climb back onto that big ol' wagon.
I weighed myself this morning and I am up 9lbs from my last weight in June. Ugh! But I knew it. My clothes are tighter and I can feel it in my body and overall health.
Overall I have just over 100lbs to lose. Probably closer to 120-125 to fit into the government's ideals but I have a chronic illness in which a few extra pounds can be beneficial. I also do not have a "skinny" body type. The goal of 100lbs overwhelms me so I'm sticking with a short-term goal of 20lbs by the middle of October (yes this is very possible on the Medifast program).
There are several health and emotional issues why I overeat and under-move. I'll talk about those more in depth in future posts.
I HATE talking about weight due to some very traumatic events in my childhood (I know, I should just get over it already). So I've created this blog as a place for me to talk about all the weight, diet, food and self-image issues I am unable to talk to anyone in person. And this is certainly cheaper than therapy!
I'm praying for strength and guidance from God as I re-embark on this journey. If you are so moved, I would also appreciate support and prayer from you as well.
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