Switching Gears

So after one week back on MF I was again having some of the same problems I developed last spring. One of those problems is the complete BOREDOM with the food. It is so limiting and of everything they offer, I only like about 60% of the products. I recently sold on eBay all the MF products that I didn't like. It's nice to get some of that money back.

The other problem is related to my Crohn's Disease. After 5-6 days of sticking to MF, my body just starts to go nuts. Too much green stuff! I can tolerate veggies pretty well but apparently day after day of lots of veggies and no starches my body gets upset.

Well, since starches and grains are not allowed on MF, I knew I had to find a different solution.

Since I'm a numbers person, I decided to go with Weight Watchers. I know my weightloss will be slower than it is on MF but I think I can stick to it easier since more variety is allowed.

I've calculated the WW points on my remaining MF products and are continuing to eat those along with other foods. For instance, the MF oatmeal (which I LOVE and is the ONLY oatmeal I can tolerate) is only 1 point!

I was also getting absolutely no support from my MF coach and considering the cost of the MF products, my monthly subscription to WW online ($17) will be saving me considerable money.

So, still on the path of weightloss, just decided to take a different route!

One Week Mark

So today marks one week back "on the wagon" for me. Overall I think the first week went ok. It could have been better but not being on plan at all would have been worse. I lost 4-5lbs so that is good.

Last night's dinner was left over chinese food, baked salmon (had some thawed in the fridge that needed to get cooked) and a big green salad. I was only able to eat about half of the chinese food/salmon so I will be having that tonight again along with another big green salad.

Last night I gave into the late-night munchies and cheated. I'm not sure why I did it. I was looking forward to crawling into bed and watching the season premieres of Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters that I had recorded on the DVR and for some reason I had a strong craving for cheese and crackers. So I gave in. Tonight will be better. I will have a MF bar late tonight before bed. I promise!

Today has been....

11am: MF oatmeal
12:30pm: MF honey mustard pretzels
3:30pm: MF chicken noodle soup and MF garden vegetable crackers

I've been spending a LOT of time alone lately due to my husband's work schedule and his recent illness (sinus infection). This has me feeling down a bit and I'm also really missing my mom lately so that doesn't help. I know that eating when I feel depressed is not the answer so I will have to try harder to resist the urges and cravings.

Doing OK

I'm doing ok with staying pretty "on plan." Not perfect. But OK.

Last Thursday we met a family member for dinner at Famous Dave's. The guys had big plates of ribs but I ordered the salmon. I've had their salmon before and it is super yummy. We ordered the catfish tenders for an appetizer. We had never had catfish before so we were curious to try them. I only ate two of them and left the rest for the guys.

So not perfect. But OK.

The salmon is served on a bed of onion straws and comes with a cornbread muffin and a small piece of corn on the cob. It also comes with a choice of two sides. I chose the baked beans and the fries. Baked beans good. Fries bad. I know.

The kitchen forgot to include the corn on the cob on my plate but I did not complain. The fewers carbs put in front of me the better!.

I ate all of the salmon, about half of the onion straws (again, super yummy and hard to resist!), half of the fries (love their fries), a few bites of the baked beans (can't handle too much of those) and all of the corn muffin (LOVE those!). I also had an iced tea with one packet of Equal in it.

So not perfect. But OK.

I left a lot of food on my plate but did eat all of the salmon.

I can't remember everything I had on Friday but I did stick completely to Plan including abstaining from any of my husband's late night crackers and cheese snack that looked very good. I had a MF bar instead. Our dinner on Friday night was grilled turkey burgers (no bun) with low fat swiss cheese, roasted asparagus and big green salads.

My CD kicked up Friday night which can happen if I've had a week heavy on raw veggies. So Saturday I did go off plan and avoided raw veggies. Hubby was sick so after we took him to urgent care for some meds , he wanted hot & sour soup from our local Chinese restaurant.

I got several items from them for us to eat at home. Sizzling Beef & Scallops (over pan fried noodles) for me, an order of BBQ pork to share, an order of potstickers for him (I had two) and an order of fried wontons (really bad I know but I love them). I didn't overeat and there is still quite a bit left. It will be dinner tonight along with a big salad.

Cheese often helps calm down my CD so last night I had a snack of chedder, swiss and some veggies crisps. I also cheated with some candy corn.

So far today I'm on plan. A MF shake for breakfast, MF chili for lunch, and MF cinnamon sugar soy crisps for snack.

I'm down 4 pounds in one week so I feel good about that. Today at church I sat next to my MF coach (and good friend) and her husband. Although I wouldn't want her to know this as I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings, it is very hard to be around her at church.

She has had phenomenal success on MF and looks fabulous. When friends at church greet her, so many of them compliment her. Don't get me wrong. She totally deserves it. But standing next to her I just feel like this fat, ugly failure. Today one of our friends came over and hugged me hello. She then hugged my MF coach-friend and made the comment "hi Skinny."

Ouch.

I know. It's shallow. But this is my place where I can be completely honest how I am feeling with no fear of who I will hurt or how it will be construed.

It hurts to see her success and know my failures.

A lot.

But my struggles are my own and I have to take one day at a time.

Pointed in the right direction

Yay! So, three full days back on "plan" and I'm down 2.6lbs. Overall I'm down 14.4lbs from my starting weight back in March. I have a long way to go but seeing the scale move down is a good move.

Yesterday I had a MF Chicken Noodle soup and white cheddar soy crisps for lunch, a MF Oatmeal Raisin bar for snack, a large salad with grilled chicken for dinner, MF chocolate pudding for dessert and a MF bar late at night.

This morning I slept late and started my day with a MF Oatmeal.

Tonight we are taking a friend out to eat and I will attempt to stay on "plan" with a lean and green but a big juicy hamburger sure does sound good!

OK, So Not So Perfect....

OK, so yesterday went well but I did succumb to the late-night munchie cravings and had some low-fat chips and american cheese. I know. Carbs late at night. Bad, bad, bad.

This week is proving to be very stressful. My main computer is down and at my IT guy's office so I am working off my laptop. Saturday our DVD player in the bedroom broke. Today I woke up to no internet and after some trouble-shooting with Comcast we determined that the router is the problem. Hubby worked last night so he's asleep until this afternoon. So that means I can't work in the living room from the laptop (and comfortably in front of the tv...) but instead have to be at an uncomfortable table where I can plug directly into the cable modem since a wireless connection is out right now.

argggghhhhhhhh

10:30am: MF dutch choc shake with some powdered pb added in.

Day Two On the Wagon

So today was Day Two of me being "back on the wagon." So far, so good.

Since my spouse works nights, I tend to stay up really late and then sleep until 9 or 10 in the morning so that I am able to spend more time with him on his days off. I fight those late-night munchy cravings really hard. The past few weeks I've been losing that battle! :)

But last night since I have started back on the MF, I had a MF bar at about midnight and then nothing further.

I actually under-ate yesterday as I only got in 3 of the 5 MF meals I'm supposed to eat. But I did enjoy 4 yummy caramels from Mermaid Caramels. So nutrition-wise I was lacking but calorie-wise I'm sure I was just fine, if not too high.

Today was:

11am: MF Dutch Choc shake
1pm: MF Choc Mint bar
3:30pm: MF nacho cheese puffs
6pm: dinner which was grilled chicken thighs (skinless & boneless), roasted asparagus and a big green salad (with dressing on the side and no (sigh...) croutons).

I also had my usual (and daily) iced latte (no sweetener) and also had a large iced black tea with one Splenda from Starbucks.

I'm glad to be back on the program but it is overwhelming to think about how much weight I need to lose (100-115lbs) and how long it is going to take. I am hoping I will feel more energized and positive about it once I start seeing the scale moving down and I start feeling the effects of the balanced and complete nutrition that MF provides.

I've realized in the past year that I REALLY hate how I look and it's holding me back, both in my personal and professional lives. More so in my professional life. I don't want to put up any pictures of me on the internet and I avoid networking situations as I just feel so ugly and gross.

So, please God, help me lose this weight!

Starting Again

OK - so my recent attempt to get "back on the wagon" did not go so well. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I want to lose weight but I'm just having so much trouble getting motivated.

Ugh!

So, ok. TODAY I am attempting to start again.

10am: MF Dutch Choc shake with 1tsp powdered peanut butter.

11:45am: MF chicken & wild rice soup.

Dinner tonight was planned to be leftover spaghetti. I have some chicken breasts in the fridge so I will bake those. Hubby will get a chicken breast and the leftover spaghetti with the sauce and a salad. I will have a chicken breast with a little bit of sauce and a big salad. We have lots of salad on hand but I need to stop at the store and pick up a few more veggies like a cucumber and broccoli.

Praying for God to help me get started again!

Back on The Wagon

One of the reasons I started this blog was to have a place to journal about my battles with losing weight. Back in March of this year, I started on the Medifast program. I did really well thru March & April, losing over 20lbs. Then in May I took 5 days off the program when we went out of town to celebrate our anniversary.

After our trip, I got back on the program but not with the same gusto as I had when I started. I chose more "cheat" items than I should have. But I did start an exercise program.

Around mid-June I really started to get into a depressive funk and that lasted all the way thru August. I'll get into why I was depressed in another post.

So I promised myself that I would get "back on the wagon" come September. So today I am attempting to climb back onto that big ol' wagon.

I weighed myself this morning and I am up 9lbs from my last weight in June. Ugh! But I knew it. My clothes are tighter and I can feel it in my body and overall health.

Overall I have just over 100lbs to lose. Probably closer to 120-125 to fit into the government's ideals but I have a chronic illness in which a few extra pounds can be beneficial. I also do not have a "skinny" body type. The goal of 100lbs overwhelms me so I'm sticking with a short-term goal of 20lbs by the middle of October (yes this is very possible on the Medifast program).

There are several health and emotional issues why I overeat and under-move. I'll talk about those more in depth in future posts.

I HATE talking about weight due to some very traumatic events in my childhood (I know, I should just get over it already). So I've created this blog as a place for me to talk about all the weight, diet, food and self-image issues I am unable to talk to anyone in person. And this is certainly cheaper than therapy!

I'm praying for strength and guidance from God as I re-embark on this journey. If you are so moved, I would also appreciate support and prayer from you as well.

So What Am I Doing Wrong?

This summer I've noticed that many people I know who are unemployed (and collecting unemployment benefits) or are "broke" as they put it have taken vacations to wonderful locations such as Hawaii, Las Vegas, Disneyland, etc etc.

My spouse is employed (thank God) and the income from my business has gone down quite a bit from this time last year. So we have tightened our belts and sweated thru a few very tight weeks. We've had no vacations except for a few nights at the coast in May for our anniversary and 5 nights to a family reunion where our housing was free as we stayed with family.

We are on NO government assistance but yet our "vacation" trips this summer pale greatly in comparison to those we know who are on unemployment or who just simply claim they are "broke."

What gives? What are we doing wrong?