Day 8: Help me, please...

Ugh.

This chapter is a hard one for me to read. I know that I will need to remember this chapter and come back and read it many times.

It is about setting boundaries and expectations with friends and family regarding your diet and/or progression.

In case you haven't read my previous posts,

I HATE TALKING ABOUT MY WEIGHT!!!

Period.

I hate talking about weight, diet, clothing size, exercise, what is fattening and what is not, etc etc etc. I hate ANY attention on me regarding my body size. Negative or positive, I hate it all.

Fortunately, in my household it is just my husband and myself so I do not have the stress of other family members being around daily. My husband is the most awesome support I could ever ask for. He wants to lose some weight as well an is still figuring out what plan is going to work for him best. I do 95% of the grocery shopping and meal planning so I have a lot of control over what we have in the house and what we eat. And thank God hubby is not a fussy eater. He's happy with just about anything I put in front of him.

When on a plan such as Medifast, trips out to eat at restaurants are greatly reduced. I am pretty content with this but I know my husband misses it. So I am making a point for us to go out at least once a week or so. I can either make the decision to go off plan for that meal or to order a meal that fits into the lean & green.

But as always, I DREAD any upcoming family gatherings. I don't mind at all getting together with my husband's family and actually don't feel any anxiety at the thought of them noticing my weight loss or food choices and commenting. But my family? Oh GAWD I dread that. So many of them are so judgmental of me and I just feel like a complete loser around them.

Yesterday's Foods:

8:30am: Medifast oatmeal

9am: triple iced latte

11:30am: Medifast chicken noodle soup, Medifast garden veggie crackers

3pm: Medifast puffs

5:30pm: We went out with friends but I stuck to the restaurant's very-well-stocked salad bar. I did have some of the pasta salad that was offered and a bit of the fruit salad.

10pm: Medifast chocolate pudding with 2 tsp of fat free cool whip.

Exercise: none besides normal daily activities

Weight: down .2lbs from previous day, down 6lbs since starting back on MF, down 10.6lbs from heaviest weight

Day 7: I can do it!

In this chapter the author congratulates us on being on the plan for a whole week and encourages us to be our own cheerleader to keep going.

She recommends repeating encouraging phrases to ourselves to motivate us along. She listed several example phrases but the last one she listed stood out to me:

Others have done it and so can I!

This really sums up why I am determined to be successful on Medifast this time. I personally know 6 people who in the past year have lost at least 40lbs on the plan, several of them losing a lot more than that. If they can do it, so can I!

I keep those people in my mind as inspiration and I look forward to the day when I can tell them personally that they were part of my inspiration to lose my weight.

Yesterday's Foods:

10am: Medifast dutch choc shake with 1 tsp of PB Plantation peanut butter mixed in.

11am: triple iced latte

1pm: Medifast chicken noodle soup and Medifast apple cinnamon soy crisps

4pm: Medifast chocolate crunch bar, Diet Pepsi

6pm: BBQ pulled pork (no bun), baked beans, green salad

9pm: Medifast caramel nut bar

Exercise: none besides normal daily activities

Weight: down .4lbs from previous day, down 5.8lbs since starting back on MF, down 10.4lbs from heaviest weight

Day 6: Protect your program

This chapter starts out with this sentence:

"No one will ever care as much about your diet plan as you."

Amen, sister!

The author then goes on to stress that we are the only ones who can protect our diet plan and not let others tempt us off the path if we do not want to leave it.

To me, this boils down to one clear thought: Don't be a victim! Take control of your own destiny.

She urges us at social functions if we do not want to eat or to eat any more than we already have, to simply say "not just yet." to the person offering it. She urges us to avoid talking about our diet plans and I completely agree. Of course, if you've read my earlier posts, you already know how I feel about talking about weight and diet!

As I've discussed before, I've already started to feel some anxiety about people noticing my weight loss. Part of me wishes I could just go away and hide for a year, come out 100 lbs lighter and get all the "notices" done with at once.

But this time I am not going to allow my anxiety to derail my weight loss plans. Yes, I HATE talking about my weight and diet but I know people will comment or ask so I will be forced to discuss it some. But I do plan to put some boundaries in place and let people know that, although I thank them for noticing and appreciate their support, I do NOT want to talk about it.

This will probably hurt some feelings.

I have a few close girlfriends to whom I will confide what I am doing when I am ready to do so. But right now, only my husband is aware.

Yesterday's Foods:

am: Medifast chocolate crunch bar and 1/3 of a triple iced latte

noon: Medifast chicken noodle soup, Medifast garden veggie crackers, more of the iced latte

3pm: Medifast parmesan cheese puffs

5pm: oriental stir fry with turkey and vegetables served over brown & wild rice with some shredded Monterrey jack cheese on top. Sugar free Hawaiian Punch.

9:30pm: Medifast cinnamon pretzels, SF Hawaiian Punch

11pm: cheated with some cheese, ham and chips. (gotta be honest...) I do crave carbs really bad right before my period and this was just a few days before my period started.

Exercise: Treadmill 50 min, 2.5 speed, 2% incline, 2 miles, 228 calories burned

Weight: no change from previous day, down 5.4lbs since starting back on MF, down 10.0lbs from heaviest weight

Day 5: Magic notebook

Day 5: Magic Notebook

The author of this book heavily encourages us to journal our weight loss plan. I've heard this before. I've heard several times over the years that it is very helpful to write down everything you eat everyday. But I've never done it until now.

Even if I don't get the chance to read a chapter and update this blog every day, I do jot down a note about everything I eat and the time I ate it. I also log my treadmill activity every time I use it.

I have an iPhone and I use the Notes application to keep my food diary. I also keep my treadmill log in there but periodically transfer the entries to a spreadsheet I keep. It is very encouraging to see the total time spent, calories burned and miles traveled on the treadmill build up.

So, apparently the "people" who told me that keeping a food diary would help were right. I do think twice about everything I put in my mouth knowing there will be a record of it. I'm being honest on my food journal. When I eat something I shouldn't, it still gets recorded. But I am finding that being accountable to my blog audience (of which at this point I think is only me but that is ok) does greatly help in keeping me on The Path.

The author recommends that when we think about or crave a particular food, we record it in our food diary as something we can enjoy in the future. That way we can let go of the obsessive thought and move on. I'm going to try that next time I get a craving for something sinful.

Yesterday's Foods:

am: Medifast oatmeal and part of a triple iced latte

11am: Medifast dutch chocolate shake with the rest of the latte mixed into it instead of water

3pm: Medifast chili nacho puffs, Zero Water

5pm: ham & eggs

8pm: Medifast chocolate pudding with 2 tsp of fat free cool whip and about 10-12 chocolate chips mixed in.

Exercise: Treadmill 49 min, 2.5-2.6 speed, 2% incline, 2 miles, 224 calories burned

Weight: down 1.6lbs from previous day, down 5.4lbs since starting back on MF, down 10.0lbs from heaviest weight

Day 4: Boundaries, not diets

Day 4: Boundaries, not diets

I love this chapter! This chapter talks about envisioning one's diet or exercise plan as a road with flexible boundaries. Some days I can stay on the straight and narrow, never veering off the road and on other days, I can allow myself to veer off a bit as long as I get right back on the road when I'm done. Keeping this visual in my head has greatly helped me keep on track.

Yesterday's Foods:

AM: Medifast apple cinnamon oatmeal and a triple iced latte

11am: Medifast smores crunch bar

1pm: Medifast chicken noodle soup and medifast garden vegetable crackers plus a sugar free red bull with sugar free raspberry syrup

3pm: Medifast puffs

5pm: scallops, mushrooms & peas in a swiss cheese sauce over brown & wild rice; green salad with shredded sharp cheddar cheese, green olives, 5 pistachios, blue cheese dressing, croutons and a few chinese noodles.

late evening: I am writing this post several days after the fact and although I did not diary it, I believe that I did give in late at night and have some cheese and crackers. BAD!!

Exercise:

no time on treadmill :(

Weight: UP 1.6lbs from previous day (YIKES!), down 3.8lbs since starting back on MF, down 8.6lbs from heaviest weight

Day 3: Do it anyway

Yesterday I was successful in my endeavor to work my shift at the community fair and NOT partake of any of the yummy but oh-so-fattening "fair food." Before I left the house, I emptied a package of Medifast Puffs into a small ziploc bag, a package of Medifast Pretzels into another bag and filled my large travel cup with a mixture of Sugar Free Red Bull, unsweetened iced tea and ice.

I ate the MF Puffs on the way to the fair location and drank the drink during my 2-hour shift. I worked the booth with two other women, both of whom ate an ice cream cone in the booth. I was not tempted.

I do admit, though, that I was VERY tempted by the people who visited our booth who were carrying elephant ears. The site and smell of them made my stomach growl but I told myself there will be days in the future when I can enjoy an elephant ear, but NOT today.

Immediately after my shift, I left the fair and did not walk around to look at other booths, etc. I had some shopping to do so I ate the pretzels on my way to the store.

When I got home, I was very hungry so I made a large salad with lots of shrimp on top and I dug in!

Last time that I was on MF, I would plan "cheat" days to give me something to look forward to. I've heard that you should not reward yourself with food but rather with something else in order to create new and healthier habits. I've tried thinking that way but it didn't work. I KNOW that I will not be successful on this if I don't allow myself to step off now and then. Otherwise, due to the large amount of weight that I need to lose, it feels in my head like a never-ending road of limited food choices.

This time around, I am not using the word "cheat" in my head but rather I am using the word "detour" to describe the times or days I will stop off my weight loss plan and enjoy some of my favorite foods.

Right now I have no definite day in the future planned for my first Detour. I do know that it will probably be within the next week as I doubt I will be able to contentedly stay on plan for too many more consecutive days. I keep repeating the popular addiction-recovery mantra in my head "one day at a time." I also repeat the phrase from Day 1 of the book I'm reading:

I used to be that way but now I'm different.

Right now only my husband knows that I am back on the weight-loss road. I told my brother-in-law about how Medifast works and that I was going to go back on it last week so he will probably notice my food choices the next time we are together and ask me about it. I'm ok talking with him about it but will ask him to keep it quiet.

I'm already growing nervous and anxious about people starting to notice my weight loss and inevitable comments and/or questions about it. But I cannot let my abhorrence of talking about the subject of my weight to derail my again. I HAVE to get over it!

Day 3: Do it Anyway

This chapter further talks about the ways in which being interested in something differs from being truly committed to it. The author gives examples of getting up off the couch and exercising even though you don't feel like it, or taking the time to prepare healthy meals that fit your weight-loss plan even though you don't feel like it.

Oh, do I EVER get that!!

So many days, I don't feel like getting up and exercising. And too often, I don't. But I NEVER regret when I do exercise and ALWAYS regret it when I don't. And regrets lead to stress. Seems to be a pretty simple equation in there, dontcha think? Oh, of it were only that easy.

So far today, I have pretty much spent it on the couch watching old movies and either blogging or playing games on my laptop. A bit part of this is that I woke up this morning with a giant allergy attack and headache and just cannot get motivated. After I write this, I am going to go take a short nap in hopes it will help with the headache. Later this evening I WILL exercise on my treadmill, even if I only do one mile.

So today I will do it anyway.

Assignment:

In your journal, make a list of actions you plan to stick with today, regardless of how you feel at the moment.

Today I am going to stick to my diet plan, regardless that I don't feel well and would love some "comfort food."

Yesterday's Foods:

AM: Medifast Oatmeal, triple iced latte

Noon: Medifast Caramel Crunch Bar

1:30pm: Medifast Puffs, SF Red Bull mixed with unsweetened iced tea

4:30pm: Medifast Pretzels, Diet Barqs Root Beer

6pm: large salad with baby shrimp, sharp shredded cheddar cheese, 4 green olives, sunflower seeds. I did have my high fat blue cheese dressing that I love as well as my favorite croutons.

Dessert: 1 SF Popsicle

8pm: SF Hawaiian Punch

Late night: 2 SF Popsicles

Exercise: Treadmill 46 min, 2-2.5 speed, 2% incline, 1.75 miles, 209 calories burned

Weight: down .4lbs from previous day, down 5.4lbs since starting back on MF, down 10.0lbs from heaviest weight

(Note: I wrote this entry several days ago and then got very busy with work and have not been able to get back here to edit it and post it. I did NOT exercise on the day I wrote this as I promised myself. I did go down for a nap but was very lethargic after I got up and still had a bad headache.)

Day 2: Interested or committed?

Day 2: Interested or committed?

This chapter talks about the difference between being merely interested in losing weight and being committed to it. When we are merely interested, we are easily swayed from our diet when opportunities arise to have our favorite foods. When attending a party, going out with friends, or simply having a bad day, we easily convince ourselves that it is OK to go off our diet for a little while to enjoy.

When we are committed, we may not stay on our diet 100% of the time, but we make a conscience choice to pick the times when we stray very carefully, get right back on our diet immediately after and stay on our diet even at some of the parties or at the end of those bad days.

Wow, does this chapter ever ring true for me! So many times I have started full-bore on a weight-loss plan only to fall right off at the first opportunity. I do this for a combination of reasons:

• I don't want anyone to question why I'm not eating. That might start a conversation about my diet and weight! If you've read my previous posts, you know how I feel about that!
• I don't want to deny myself. A lot of this stems from the extended periods of time in my life when I was denied foods due to my Crohn's Disease. I've also talked about this in an earlier post.
• I quickly convince myself that I can slip off this "one time" but I will get right back on the wagon. Yeah, that doesn't usually happen. When I slip off, I'm usually off for several days or end up completely abandoning my weight-loss plan all together.
• I tell myself that there is plenty of time in the future for dieting but right NOW I'm going to enjoy myself. Yeah, that's just not working anymore. Every day that I'm not on a plan for weight-loss is one more day I will stay heavy. I envision myself at a healthy weight but it's not going to happen overnight, in one month, and very possibly not even in one year. I need to be on that path NOW and I need to stay on it. If I veer off, it needs to be a VERY short detour and I must get back on the main path ASAP.

I don't think I have ever truly committed myself to my weight-loss plan. Although last December when I was back on Medifast shortly, I did attend my church's Christmas party and did not eat anything. So that is a good example for me to remember that I CAN attend a party and stay on plan.

I'm famous for my stubbornness so this interested vs committed thing should be easy for me, right? right?

Assignment:

Decide that you will always be committed to your weight-loss plan, not just interested.

OK, I'm working hard on that. The past few days I've reminded myself several times why I am doing this and to stay committed. That has helped me to make better food choices and greatly helped while I was grocery shopping and planning our meals for the next few weeks.

In your journal, describe how you will stick to your program, no matter what.

This blog is my journal. Today I am scheduled to go work a shift for an organization I belong to at our booth at a community fair. Like all community fairs, there will be a sorts of yummy "fair food" like corn dogs (my favorite), french fries, elephant ears (another favorite) readily available for sale there. I'm not going to buy or eat a single thing. Before I leave, I will have a medifast meal and I will pack some medifast snacks in my purse (out of their packages of course so no one knows what I'm snacking on! Yes, I know, silly.). And I will take a big travel cup with a mixture of unsweetened iced tea and Sugar Free Red Bull.

It's only a 2-hour shift and since my husband works tonight, he will not be with me so the temptations will be minimized.

The past few days have been over 100 degrees here and since we don't have central A/C, I've stayed off my treadmill. I figure I've sweated out nearly all the calories I would have burned on the treadmill. But today it will only be in the 80's so I will do 2-3 miles today on the treadmill, either before I head to the community fair or this evening. No matter what.

Do at least one thing today that demonstrates you are truly committed. For example, take a walk or eat your vegetables - no matter what.

Under the previous task I described how I plan to stay ON plan today despite anticipated temptations and my commitment to hit the treadmill today.

Yesterday's Foods:

AM: I attended my Rotary Club meeting and did have breakfast there. 2 veggie sausage patties, small serving of an egg/potato/ham/cheese bake, 3 strawberries, 6-8 blueberries, 6-8 green grapes, mini poppy seed muffin, mini banana nut muffin. One small square of dark chocolate that was passed around.

About half of my usual triple iced latte.

Mid-day: MF chicken noodle soup and MF crackers.

Late afternoon: MF parmesan cheese puffs, 2 sugar-free popsicles

Dinner: grilled skinless/boneless chicken thighs, 1 serving of Knorr Parmesan pasta dish, green salad with some sharp cheddar shredded cheese, 4 small green olives, sunflower seeds, low fat blue cheese yogurt dressing and topped with a few chinese noodles. One sugar free popsicle.

Dessert: MF chocolate pudding with 2tbs of Fat Free Cool Whip stirred in.

Late Night: nothing!

Exercise: None besides usual daily activities and grocery shopping.

Weight: down 1.8lbs from previous day, down 5lbs since starting back on MF, down 9.6lbs from heaviest weight